Find Yourself (2020)

I thoroughly enjoyed this drama! It had me laughing out loud, I loved every character, and found so many aspects very relatable. I loved the Victoria Song & Song Weilong pairing and there's a great balance of other storylines aside from their romance. Although, I did find the ending rushed and would've loved more depth from certain characters.

Yes, He Fanxing (Victoria Song) is naive and sometimes quite silly, and you will shake your head at some of her actions. But not everyone has the same experiences at the same age, and she does learn from her mistakes. Plus, her silliness is exactly what Yuan Song (Song Weilong) likes about her... Yuan Song approaches the relationship with the passion of youth; I love his fearless pursuit of Fanxing even though I knew he couldn't truly understand the societal and familial pressure she feels. I thought him being an intern at the company she works at would have probably been a bigger issue...

I loved Fanxing's relationship with her family - I was quite surprised to see Zhang Yujian play her twin brother, He Canyang, but I loved it! Their dynamic was hilarious and heartwarming. Zhang Yujian's deadpan delivery and side-eye glances were on point. The one storyline I could not believe though was his romance storyline. It just seemed to come out of nowhere and felt out-of-character. I also loved Fanxing's two best friends, Song Xue and Xiao Yu. They each had such different lives and priorities, and maintained such supportive friendships. I was glad that both friends had their own storylines. Then there's also Fanxing's work friends! I loved all the office scenes, especially Cong Xiao and Chang Huan. Cong Xiao was a great contrast to Fanxing, and I loved her insights and advice.

I liked the second male lead Ye Lu Ming (David Wang) much more than I would have expected. His character is so funny, slightly over the top and somewhat strange, but he's also driven and smart. If he had met Fanxing before she fell for Yuan Song, I honestly think he would've had a chance. I didn't like some of his actions (like deliberately meeting her parents) but mostly he was a guy who went in 100% for what he wanted. Also, his cousin/assistant was really funny and I loved her.

As for Yuan Song's friends, Cai Minmin was such an over-the-top spoiled and childish character, but at the same time, I would totally believe someone like her exists... I was glad to see her experience some growth throughout the series. Her friend Zhanni was so down-to-earth and loyal.

I do admit, it's ridiculous what a small world it feels like in this drama. That aspect was 100% unrealistic but SO fun and entertaining. It made this drama a mix of realistic situations and laugh-out-loud coincidences.

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More Family Drama than Romance

I was delightfully taken by this drama. As the title implies, I started watching for the age-gap romance but what really caught my interest and addiction to this drama was all the friendship/familyship. I really would call this more of a family, slice-of-life drama than straight romance based on how much screen time our leads ended up getting.

Story: I just loved watching the He family interact with each other, how they were so bickering yet open and supportive. I know it's a cultural thing, but I liked how they just causally put food in each other's bowls. I also loved the strong friendship among the FL and her friends (and her brother too). It was really heartwarming to see them encouraging and/or gently scolding one another. I think one of my favorite parts of the show is how Song Xue and Xiao Yu walking into the He residence unannounced is considered normal behavior.

As for our main romance, it was cute. Our couple had a good enough chemistry and I was always rooting for them. Our supporting couples were cute too.

I really liked our female lead. To be honest, as I was watching the drama, there was something off about her and I couldn't figure it out until this scene where she is telling someone that she wants to be a normal person and that's what I realized felt off - she really felt more like a normal person. To me, a lot of drama female leads are written as, well, drama female leads. They are positive, cheerful, resilient, self-sacrificing, idealistic and brave, almost to the point of unrealistic. It's kind of hard to explain, but a lot of drama characters are written in a way where you enjoy watching them as characters but wouldn't see them as real people. Although Fanxing shared many similar characteristics, she had flaws - she was insecure, hesitant and timid - that got her into trouble and were frustrating to watch as a viewer but these are flaws real people have. I read a comment once on how rather than "strong female characters" dramas need to have well well-written ones and I do believe Fanxing is a well-written female lead. Coming from a culture that does not support older female/younger male romance, I could see where she was coming from and why she was making the decisions she was.

I liked our male lead too - he was adorable and I loved his earnest love for our female lead. I had mixed feelings about our second ML but I'm not sure if it's my double standards. I don't mind if when male leads are sneaky (cough Love O2O) but the way our 2nd ML went about it just irked me. I think this drama showed me why chemistry is so important. I sometimes get so frustrated with dramas where the female lead leaves this perfect 2nd lead or sees him as just a friend but I could see exactly why our female lead wanted our male lead.

Acting: Almost everyone did a decent enough job, most especially the parents. This is my first time seeing both the FL/ML act. I think Victoria did a good job. This is just my opinion, but I think the male lead did just ok. Yes, he was really (really, really) handsome. But, there were a few times I had to rely on context clues to figure out what he was thinking, I couldn't tell by looking at his face.

Music: loved the OST, really had the dreamy but calm vibe

Production: This is the one area that lowers points for me. I hated how edited a lot of the kissing/romance scenes were, to the point where I feel like didn't even see the actual scene, just a bunch of side angles and snapshots of what it was supposed to be.

Overall: At the end of the day, we watch dramas for enjoyment and this did its genre well. It was just the right mix of realism and cheesiness to make it a worthwhile watch.

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What started as a drama that looked like it was going to provide us with a fresh take on love and life in your 30's, with a stigmatized romance, quickly turned into a convoluted mess of tropes that have been done hundreds of times, and this show didn't follow them well.
The characters were great...at the start. They were grown-ups but showed us they hadn't figured everything out yet and that's where we were supposed to see them find themselves. Only they didn't until the last episode where everything was shove into a rushed ending.
I feel bad Victoria Song is getting such backlash, she didn't write the character, she acted well, it's just a shame her character went from naive to just plain stupid.
As for the other characters, they seemed interesting, or they would have been, had we seen more of them. By the end, we have their endings plattered up for us and we're supposed to care? I wanted to delve into the different romances, but it was 2 minutes on them and then the rest of the show watching the leads play tug or war with their relationship, though you could hardly call it a relationship, since it seemed such a fleeting aspect of the show.
All in all, if you like slow stories with rushed endings, go for your life. I got to the end by skipping 35 minutes of every 40 minute episode. Good luck

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I stumbled onto this drama randomly on Netflix and it took me awhile to get through all 41 episodes of it. I think overall, it was a bit slow for me, however, I thought the overall plot and how all the characters fit together was quite clever. I really enjoyed Victoria Song and Song Weilong and felt their chemistry was super good. I would definitely watch another drama with them in it.

Liked:
- The overall plot! I thought it was really cute. And I really liked how it was about overcoming stigma too. I think all the characters had good chemistry and there weren't any characters that were super hatable.
- Song Weilong <3 He is cute. Very cute. I appreciate him
- There was a natural funniest to the episodes that made everything really light and enjoyable to watch
- It all felt very realistic! I think this was one of the few dramas I've watched where I felt that the characters were logical and made a lot of sense with their actions.

Disliked:
- there was a budding relationship that I found to be inappropriate even though I think the show really tried to cover it up really well/justify it! Also to be honest, the boss/employee relationship thing, but this legit happens in so many dramas, I tend to not mention it/am getting tired of hating on it.
- A bit slow, like idk if this needed to be 41 episodes long

WATCHHH because Song Weilong is CUTE

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Enjoyable start with a happy rom com — nice comedy balance without going too broad, interesting characters. You can already predict what will happen, but it’s fun anyway.

Then, about half way through, the ML basically does nothing for which completely halts character development. They keep describing him as “wild” but he’s really quiet and passive. He disappears and to make way for the second ML. Obvious plotting to sacrifice characters.

Then the last half meanders around and the second couple gets more screen time and it’s icky for a 32 year old teacher to chase after his totally immature student. I didn’t buy the chemistry between them either. Then we get to the ending where the FL gets a personality transplant. Yeah, this didn’t work for me.

So good start, but then it struggles since it should be at least 6 episodes shorter. Victoria song dresses great and pulls off the role until the end. Song Weilong needs to add some more personality to go with his youthful handsome. The second ML pulls off likable which is usually quite hard for the third wheel.

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If you watched Something In The Rain, they kinda have the same theme. Except that the protagonist here is a third party.
I really don't like Yumings character, his tactics make my blood boil. If you really want her then be fair. Adding Canyang and Minmin was a good choice to clearly show the double standards about age gap in relationships. FanXing's mother was a hypocrite. The reasonI stayed was the main couple and the sub couple's romantic scenes. They were compatible and mature looking?. It was nice but I won't rewatch the whole series. Maybe only the romantic scenes in YT I would replay.

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Great production quality and romance... but the story? it's a no for me.

This show has been on my list for well over a year, and it was very disappointing to see how it all went down. I was super excited to finally see a drama moving quickly (leads together within the first 10 or so eps!) but that was soon met with utter boredom and frustration as the episodes dragged on.

Our leads did excellent regarding their scenes together and their chemistry, and a big shout out to Song Wei Long for doing such a great job at such a young age! That did make the drama a bit more tolerable later on. Additionally, there were so many well known actors and actresses that had roles in this drama, which made it all the more enjoyable when they came on screen.

But here's where everything seemed to go wrong in my view. In typical c-dramaland, our Second Lead and Female Lead tend to never *officially* be together. This drama decided to change that narrative. Our smart, sophisticated FL spent 1/2 of the drama dating one lead, and 1/2 the drama with the other - which was ridiculous and frustrating because she clearly never liked the second Male Lead. I thought her character was not as selfish as that. It was clear that the ML and FL still were not over each other, and to make matters worse it was clear she wasn't happy with the Second ML either. That was very off putting, and I ended up skipping most of their screen time in the second half.

I did appreciate the humorous aspect to it, and those few laughs in the beginning (and throughout) really helped me keep watching. Also, the second couple was very cute, and so was the third. So I stayed for them. Overall, the only thing that brought the drama down in terms of its rating was the storyline. Everything else - from the sets to the costumes to makeup even - was flawless and well done.

This is definitely something for viewers who don't mind having 2 male leads (not a ML and a 2nd ML), and who don't mind seeing the FL visibly uncomfortable with who's she's dating for nearly 20 episodes.

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Watch this Drama! Every plotpoint makes sense in the overall narrative.

Long review: Even two months after I finished watching this, it lingers in my mind, I think about the plot, the side-characters, about the message. And yes, I think about the romance, of course, Song Wei Long has the longing wistfulness down pat.

But seriously, the romance is just a vehicle for the message in this drama, and so is every other side-character. They are all spinning around the question, if personal happiness is more important than coherence in society and the general satisfaction of your family.

Entering Spoiler-Territory:
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Every couple in this show approaches this question differently, and found different solutions.
They don't lead to unhappiness either. He Fan Xings Parents for example chose the first best option in each other and though they bicker here and there, they are generally happy. But they are also quite forward thinking, which contributes to this, giving their childrens happiness a higher priority than fitting into the norm.
Compare this to their neighbour Mrs.Wang, who can only be happy if her son marries a woman his own age and has babies with her. Her son is not honest with her in turn, about how he met his wife (and probably other things as well.)

Her friends also show different facettes of relationships. One very classical, get married/have kids and one is an unmarried, childfree couple. The conventional couple is going through troubles and so is the more carefree couple. It shows that no matter what choice you make, you will end up in troubles, so the question is, will you choose the path that looks like trouble from the start or the one that looks like the easy path but then turns out to be full of trouble as well.

The romance He Fan Xings brother has also is there to show that some paths are seemingly closed by sheer misogyny, as is blatantly pointed out by the character. While everyone finds it odd, but ultimately shrugs their shoulders at this superior-inferior, age-gap romance because the man is the one in power and the older one, the scandal is much greater when the woman in the relationship is older and higher up at work.
As does the plotpoint where for a while everyone assumes Yuan Song is some kind of boytoy for an older, rich lady, though this is in turn reflected when people are equally appalled by the supposed relationship of Ye Lu Ming and his much younger niece. And also kind of in the relationship and power dynamic between Yuan Songs father and his stepmother, who is also younger by quite a bit, but is his equal or maybe even stronger.

Also, Ye Lu Mings approach to love is so realistic, on the one hand you want it to be like magical destiny, but on the other hand he thinks he can control it, if you do XYZ, the girl of your choice must fall for you. But life does not work that way, nothing is foreseeable and troubles will come your way, even if you find the ideal match with the ideal person it might not work out.


I could go on and on about every minor detail, about the growth in both He Fan Xing and Yuan Song, how their levels of maturity complement each other and all that... but just go and watch it.

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Fan of Song Wei long

I was very doubtful whether to watch this show or not but eventually I did and I have no regrets specially when I got a huge crush on the male lead played by Song weilong. The story of this drama is about a girl Fanxing who desperately wants to be loved by a man and is insecure about her age as she thinks she is getting older but she has not found her love yet. Finally she is attracted towards an employee in her office who is Yuan song played by Song weilong while he also falls madly in love with her but their relationship faces a lot of problems. Yuan song is a handsome, young , bright, warm guy who is hopelessly in love, he is passionate , romantic and can do anything for Fanxing which makes him more attractive , he is not a typical cold character we see in dramas he is expressive and straightforward . Fanxing is naive , sweet but also she seems irritating at one point because she sometimes make foolish decisions in their relationship due to which Yuan suffers. Talking about Ye lu ming who is a friend of Fanxing but wants to marry her is an annoying character in the beginning as he tries to break the relationship of the main leads but atlast he finally gives up when Fanxing finally told him that she truly loves yuan and wants to be with him, he is not that toxic and bad as he never forced himself on her but he was a bit annoying .
I really loved the side story between Cai min min and Canyang and enjoyed it a lot , it was funny but at the same time adorable.
So overall this drama was good with a nice storyline but the only thing that annoyed me was there were more scenes of the FL with the second male lead rather than the male lead and that the FL was a bit stupid other than that is was a very enjoyable drama .
PS- I love SONG WEILONG.

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"For He Fan Xing, it's not merely a matter of choosing the man that she loves but considering the contradictions of adopting the traditional mindset on marriage."

This line in the synopsis of the drama's page was what got me interested. It suggested that the drama was going to be about the struggles of being in an older woman/younger man relationship with a huge age gap, the differences in the maturities of the couple, the prejudices from the society, and the different takes on the concept of marriage, dating, kids and what exactly is the happy ending?

The drama fails, not because it was yet another love triangle or because the second male lead was as annoying and cunning as a human could be (though, yes those were the issues too), but because it tried to sell a very different product than the one it promised and advertised.

Hence, the show became quickly disappointing for me.

The story of the main couple is a complete no-no for me. At 32, been in a relationship or not, you'd expect the character to act as a mature person. However, her decisions are justified if they had been from a teenage girl, not someone this old. She acted immature, was too naive and wanted to take no responsibility for her actions. She chose to run away from her problems and before society could, she judged herself for her relationship. Personally, yes, I wanted to see that struggle of accepting yourself; of realising you're not in the wrong and it's the world who's a hypocrite. But I didn't want to see that struggle 39 episodes long.
The second main lead : I don't think I've hated a SML as passionately as I hated him. I don't even want to write about him.

Bottom line, I only felt for Yuan Song. I loved him, and Fanxing's brother. The stories of the side characters are far too interesting, and if you want to watch this show, I'd recommend you to watch it for them.

P.S.! Also brownie points for the character of Cai Minmin. Her growth from a spoiled brat to a loving and responsible human was so nice to watch. She and her boyfriend (not telling who, cuz spoilers) were a wayyyy better example on how to handle a age-gap relationship.

Overall, not the worst of the lot, especially considering the side stories, but it's too many episodes, just to watch it for them.

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Most of my grievances will be with the story, so deal with me...

Story:
The storyline manages to deal with multiple themes in maturing adult life, such as changing jobs, family, and the pressures of getting married in Chinese society in particular. With all of these come moral compromise. Each character had flaws, sure, but I would have preferred that the director deal with them and show the watchers that their attitudes in regards to certain situations was not OK.
He Canyang was correct that his parents favored his sister over him, and when he tried to stop Fanxing from telling her family that she dated Yuan Song out of consideration for their feelings regarding what they had just discovered about him and Cai Minmin he was the one that got hit. Having his parents deal with Fanxing in the same manner would have been way better, in my opinion. But I get that they only had a certain number of episodes left, and that would have posed yet another barrier in her finding her true love, yada yada.
As for He Fanxing, she's way too wishy washy. I get that she's "innocent in love," but why couldn't she take into consideration how she was stringing two men along? She explicitly broke the promise she had with Yuan Song that they would go public after three months, and dated Ye Luming (although he knew she was not totally in love with him and was okay with it, being hung up over your ex boyfriend and hiding it is ridiculous). She wanted to walk Ye Luming down the aisle for her parents, but never considered that she would be locking Ye Luming down in a one sided relationship. Had the sideplots with her friend group's pregnancies and her father's terminal illness not happened, the show would have consisted of over 40 episodes of her going on meaningless dates grappling with herself and picking the petals off of a daisy to choose between going public with Yuan Song or not. She legitimately cannot take a hint, if you broke up with your boyfriend & got a ride back from the guy who likes you you are out of your mind.
Ye Luming's role in the first half of the show consists of him being manipulative and using societal pressures to get Fanxing to be with him. He already knew that the reason Fanxing wasn't coming out as dating Yuan Song was because she was scared of what people would say, and he used that while they were dating to get her to be with him. He moves way too fast in the first week of their dating, without considering how she had never been dating openly before. Hell, he sleeps in her bed without her permission.

Honestly, I hate age gaps in relationships. I only finished this to see where it would go after a while, and because SQ is hot. Each of the relationships is not realistic. Cai Minmin and Yuan Song both make the first move on the He siblings, who are in positions of power even without the age difference. A boss and her employee? A professor and his student? How many times does an older man change his profession for the younger woman that he is seeing? The entire plot sounds like it was conceived in some jilted older woman's memory of her young workplace junior. Just because someone is a legal adult does not mean that they are on the same level of maturity as 30 year olds. There's realistically nothing to speak about, they're basically in different points of their lives. This is more prevalent in Cai Minmin and He Canyang's relationship, at least Yuan Song and He Fanxing are working in the same place. All Cai Minmin likes is eating and buying expensive clothes. Then when her uncle calls her out on it, she gets upset and thinks that having sex with He Canyang will change the immature nature of their relationship. I mean, really? She's harmless, but does not have the range.

The only likable character to me was Chang Huan. He's an example of seeing someone that he isn't fully in love with, but at least he had the decency to stay away from Cong Xiao during it. Can He Fanxing say the same?

Acting:
Done remarkably well, considering the age gap between SWL and SQ is the same as their characters. The chemistry was great. Each character had a variety of emotions and tribulations that they had to go through, and they did it convincingly.

Music/Aesthetics:
The OST is on my Spotify repeats! I really liked the aesthetics of the show, the lighting and camerawork was all great and conveyed whether the atmosphere was close or not. Fanxing's business chic outfits had me wondering what she would wear next. They all looked amazing on SQ's frame.

Rewatch value:
I would not rewatch this... This entire review served to just remind me why a story can tackle many versatile topics while not acknowledging many other problems.

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I love everything about this drama. It felt so real. Song Weilong is an incredible amazing actor. Also very handsome. I will definitely recommend it. I hope to see a second episodes. I love the romance part of the drama. The director did an amazing job. I felt this drama showed what people gone through each and every day. I love the way family and friends love and respect each other. Thank you for a well written drama. I hope you really do a second episode. I like Chinese drama. This the best Chinese drama, I have seen. I like it the fact is very realistic of every day life.

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